Christmas Break and more . . .

I'm sorry to admit that I didn't get any pictures of the girls opening their Christmas morning presents.  I know -  it's terrible, I didn't get any "first" Christmas photos.  I did get some video but nothing really worth posting.  At least they'll have that to see but I am sad that I missed the opportunity for some memorable shots.  It just got too crazy and everything went very fast.  Santa brought the girls a new indoor trampoline along with stockings full of socks, shoes, and dress up clothes.  Ever since, they've pretty much been alternating between bouncing and dancing. 

The trampoline has turned out to be a great addition to our playroom.  The twins' coordination has improved drastically just in the few days since Christmas.  They've gone from not being able to get their feet up at all and falling down to jumping pretty high and being able to maintain it.  It is great to see Courtney who probably is jumping a foot high now and landing on her feet!   It was only meant for fun but has turned out to be a great "therapy" tool for the twins.  In addition to the coordination benefits, it's also been teaching some valuable sharing lessons and counting as they each get 30 seconds when they're all wanting on it.  Camryn now looks for someone to start counting when it's her turn even if no one is waiting!  

The girls did very well with all of the exciting activity.  We haven't been venturing out too much because it is still difficult to keep everyone "contained" wherever we go but, we did enjoy a great dinner and evening with family on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning brunch.  After that, we had friends over Christmas day who cooked for us and played with the girls all day.  That turned out to be a great present for me!   Santa left me a copy of "Mama Mia" in my stocking and we had it going most of the day Christmas day.  By the end of the day, I think Katy pretty much had every scene memorized!  It's been on at least twice daily until loaning it out to a friend last night, so we did get a break from it today!   

In addition to venturing out to our family gatherings, we went to one friend's Christmas party which all the girls enjoyed and made a quick visit to the park to feed the ducks.  The girls all were very quiet and tried hard not to scare the ducks away.  I think it's more because when the flock flees it's a pretty scary sound and sight for them!  

Here are a few pictures of the activities I was able to capture . . . (By the way, for those who have asked about "bigger" pictures, you can click on the pictures and they should enlarge for you.)

Our visit to the park . . . 

Here come the hungry ducks . . . 

At our friends Christmas party . . . 

The best present of all was in this big green bag (it's Courtney!). . . 

Courtney and Braxton  who was very attentive to her all evening!

Courtney trying out Braxton's new scooter

Courtney demonstrating one of the many uses of diapers . . . 

Camryn's reaction to Courtney's clowning around  . . . 

Camryn telling her sisters to quiet down   . . . 

After spending a few minutes with Katy in her room, Camryn emerged as a new, cool dancer . . . 

Katy showing her little sisters how to twirl . . . 

and, how to be hip . . . 

how to slow dance . . . 

followed by a little "thank you" kiss

Katy playing a scene from "Mama Mia".   Camryn sings along too.

And that's the end of that show!

Other notables from this Christmas Break . . . Since we've been "cooped" up in the house all together much more than usual, Katy and Camryn have begun playing together a lot.  It's really cute to see them interact and they're very well suited to each other.  Katy has been allowed to join the 5 to 7 year olds in their "hip hop" class (a whole year early - I'm so proud!) which is a perfect fit for her.  She doesn't fool around at all in this class because she's completely enthralled with it and she is usually the best listener there.  She follows the instructor and then practices everything at home with Camryn.   Camryn holds her own with Katy but really enjoys the constant activity.  They play in the mud and dirt outside together and then come inside and play dress up and dance.  Courtney also loves to dance but she doesn't interact with the two of them quite as much.  She's always busy playing and doing something but I don't think she enjoys Katy's bossiness much (or the mud)!  But, she's never excluded and if she approaches the other two, they're quick to include her in their antics.  It's very heartwarming to watch and their interaction has grown substantially since Katy has been home with us every day.   

And, last but not least, I was finally able to get the girls assessed as far as development and speech goes.  Early Start called me back after I complained and said that there really is not rule that says they have to wait 6 months for internationally adopted children and made an appointment for me to bring them in today.  It went very well and they estimated the girls to be 50% behind in language and 25% behind developmentally.  Not bad at all considering they've only been exposed to English for 2 1/2 months!  Tomorrow I go back without the girls and listen to the recommendations made on helping them catch up before their 3rd birthday.  Both girls did great and really showed how far they have come - especially Courtney.  She actually was a little more advanced then Camryn in a couple of areas and wasn't really behind in any.  All of her "autistic" type behavior seems to be gone except in the bath tub and in the pool where she tends to get very "spastic".  But, that will eventually go away too I'm sure.  Even her eye doesn't wander anymore - it's just amazing to see.  So, even though I'm confident that the girls will catch up on their own I will get the help recommended to try to get them on target in the next 4 months.  After that they're turned over to the school district, however, I think the Montessori school will be more helpful so I'll stick with them.  

So, that's been our week in a nutshell.  Always busy and always happy.  It's such fun watching all of these things happening but, a little tiring at times too!  So, I'm done for the day and will start again in 7 1/2 hours when my early bird Katy wakes me up!  

Happy New Year to all!  So many families will be built and added to in the New Year - I can't wait to hear about some of them!

And the answer is . . .

"The analysis of the DNA indicates that Camryn and Courtney are monozygotic, or more commonly referred to as identical twins.  The highly variable DNA markers were the same for both twins.  Thus, there is greater than a 99% probability that the twins are monozygotic".   

Surprised?  I am and, am not.  It's strange how I can look at each individual feature and, yes, they do look identical but, when you are looking at their entire faces then no, they don't look the same at all!  It will be interesting to see if they begin to look more alike when Courtney's hair grows out and she catches up weight-wise or, if their personalities (they're very different) will always make them look so differently.  I wonder if they'll try to trick people when they get older, even mom (ha, not a chance)!  

How fun this is!  

"Oh What Fun it is!"

I am so grateful to have the girls home and to be able to share the Holidays with all 3 of them.  Katy is really enjoying all the Christmas festivities this year - much more then years past.  She was still fearful of Santa but I was able to get her to let me put a little distance between me and her long enough to get a photo done with her sisters.  The twins were a little dazed by the whole Santa thing but they did fine.   We've also really been enjoying driving around the neighborhood to see all the lights which are plentiful in our neighborhood!  Katy wants our house to look like all of the elaborately decorated ones - pressure!  I'm going to try to get something done out there but I did get the inside done and we're all enjoying that!

In addition to seeing Santa this weekend, we also held our 2nd Annual Gingerbread House Decorating party which was a lot of fun.   I'm usually pretty strict about sweets intake around here but, when it comes to decorating our gingerbread houses, it's a free for all.  Katy doesn't have much of a sweet tooth so she didn't eat too much.  Courtney started out by trying a spicy jelly bean so she didn't eat much after that with the exception of the frosting.  But, Camryn who would rather eat sweets then anything else, pretty much ate the whole exterior of her house.   I'll have to watch her - I think she'll be the one trying to sneak sweets when I'm not looking!  

I'm sure we'll have lots of Holiday pictures to share but here are a few from our fun filled weekend . . . 

Group shot trying to build Katy's courage . . .  

Success - Camryn was so fed up by this point that she looks like she's ready to tackle someone and Courtney and Katy are holding her back.

Katy hard at work getting the place in shape . . . 

Ready for the party to begin with favorite friends Gabby and Arianna.  Katy LOVES Gabby and tells him so all the time.  She dressed to impress him for the party and even put her earrings on (stick-on) for him!  I think they all looked pretty cute myself!  (I overdid it on the candy a bit but it was so fun picking it all out I couldn't help myself!)

Katy concentrating (note the tongue)  hard at work 

And, her beautiful house . . . 

Courtney after trying her "spicy bean".  Poor Baby, she always seems to be the one to get the "spicy bean" around here and it breaks my heart every time.  We're going to really have to work on that.

And, showing off her sweet accomplishment (while looking pretty sweet herself)

Happy go Lucky Camryn playing "Rudolph"

and, hard at work

after eating the exterior of her house!

Lots more in the "Our Fun Fotos" album (see side bar) and lots more to come!

Medical Updates

No more bugs in this house!  All parasites have been eradicated including any sign of scabies it seems.  And, Katy's TB test also was negative which is great news!  I was always under the impression that she would get a false positive if she was required to be tested and then she would have to go through the chest xray, etc.   So, this was good news.

Developmental assessment is seeming to be more difficult to come by.  First I contacted the State's Early Start program who told me that they had to wait 6 months before meeting with internationally adopted children as they tend to catch up so quickly.  But, they don't see children after they turn 3 which, at the time of the call, was just about 6 months!   They were not helpful at all so I then contacted the school district who referred me to our "Head Start" pre-school.  Turns out that they won't see kids until 3 and, unless they are "special needs" kids (from birth) the family has to qualify to be in need of financial aid.  Again, not helpful.  The pediatrician then referred me back to the Regional Center and said if that didn't work to try Children's Hospital.  So, I tried Regional Center who told me because the children are under 3 that I need to speak to Early Start.  I told them that they were telling me they couldn't see my children for 6 months (4 now) and that they would then be turning 3.  Circles.  I then tried Children's Hospital who told me that my insurance company would only pay $25 per hour and they charge $248 per hour and that each assessment would cost $1,500.00 out of pocket - a total of $3,000!  Then after that the cost would be completed on an hourly basis for any kind of therapy. Ridiculous! The pediatrician said I could get by with only having Courtney assessed and then practice what I learn on Camryn but still - it's too much money to get any kind of regular therapy going.  So, now I'm going to try a non-profit group that was started by an adoptive mother (Russian child) and am really hoping that I get somewhere with them.  At this rate, the girls will be 3 before I get anywhere with this but, I think that they're both going to catch up on their own just by attending the pre-school.

Both girls have started two days a week at Katy's school and they are doing great there.  Courtney needs a little extra help with her fine motor skills (she has already improved drastically) so she is getting some needed attention in that area.  Other than that the girls are doing well socially, with listening and following direction.  Not really too many worries although Courtney still tends to get over excited and a little silly at times.    She is comfortable enough at school though to take naps with all the other kids which was a concern of mine.  Both she and Camryn have no problem laying down and sleeping so they're not overly excited by being there.  I think it probably helps that Angela who they know so well is there.  They're fine when I get them home and fall right into our regular routine.  All good there.  

So, life is moving forward fast.  We have a house full of Christmas decorations - Katy and I spent the evening making ornaments for the tree tonight which was really fun (with some help from Angela).  Camryn walked around all night singing along with a little Santa Claus that, when she pushes on his hand, sings that he is "coming to town".  She pretty much has all the words down but they still sound a bit jumbled.  Very cute though and she's very possessive of this particular Santa.   Courtney was very very dramatic about expressing her hunger before dinnertime - to the point where I was a little concerned that she may have caught the flu from her cousins - and, then after dinner, was all smiles and ready to play with whoever would play with her.  Happy as could be.  She can be very dramatic at times and, so can Camryn when it comes to being locked out of the pantry (she loves her snacks!) which happened to her tonight.

I feel so fortunate to have all 3 girls here for the Holidays and, this year is especially fun for Katy as she really is enjoying the season and all the celebratory side of it and, she's also really enjoying having her sisters here.  Makes a mom's heart smile!  

Monozygotic or Dizygotic, and other fun things

Courtney got her shirt stuck on her head today and seemed to enjoy it so I tied the arms in back and she walked around like that for at least an hour.  Camryn, naturally, wanted hers done too so we copied the style and she was quite pleased.  I took a few pictures and found it interesting that with the shirts on, they do look like they could be identical twins (monozygotic) but I don't know.  So, I have ordered a DNA test and should be able to find out soon and then we will all know!  

What I find interesting however is that they look so different to me and I figured out in the picture above that one big difference really is in the eyes.  Courtney's eyes often have worry in them while Camryn's, normally,  have glee.   Camryn has been Courtney's big sister and protector for 2 1/2 years and it is really cute to watch but, I think, needs to be tempered a bit for both girls.  Courtney's confidence needs to become based on her "self" and, Camryn needs to be released from the responsibility.  I think Camryn's strong survival instincts have helped get them through their difficulties but, I also think it has left Courtney a little like a wounded bird. 

Seeing Camryn take Courtneys hand and lead her places and watch her do so many things for her has been very revealing into the way they must have felt (and are still feeling).   It is very good that now when Camryn does take Courtney by the hand, she leads her to me and then tells me a long (babbling) story of what the situation is before handing Courtney's hand over to me. It is cute no matter what but I think it is also Camryn making it clear that she is happy to be able to turn Courtney's care over to me now so she can relax a little!  Here's to getting them both to relaxing a lot!  It's amazing what a picture can reveal!  

Now with the secret knowledge of the worry in Courtney's eyes, I bet you can all tell them apart in most pictures (there is also some glee in Courtney's eyes which, hopefully, will become much more regular). 

Katy and I have taken to calling Courtney "Coco" (Chanel) or "Coco Bean" - here's why . . . 

Katy has been working on her modeling poses lately and when I grab the camera she gets this very serious look on her face and freezes until the picture is done.  I must say at least 3 times a day "I don't know where she got that" because she's always coming up with statements or doing things that are so beyond her years.  I think a lot of it is hanging out with her older cousins and being so interested in them and all that they do.   She talks about how stylish she is and asks me to come and help her get one of her "fashion" shirts.  She called a friend of ours (Denise) and told her she needed to come over and be a "fashionista" with her and that she was receiving an invitation.   No matter what she puts her hands on, she does pull the look off whether it be a cowgirl or a rapper (where did she get that?) . . . as shown below:

Always something to laugh about around here!  

3 Check-ups and a new car

3 years ago, after returning home with Katy, I decided I needed a bigger car (SUV) that would safely transport a baby, all our things and, a horse trailer if need be.  The second day I had the car, Katy got sick from the topsy turvy ride which was only the first of many many times.  We suffered through this for about 2 years on trips over 30 minutes which were many.  I had to always be prepared with extra clothes, towels, buckets, etc.  She seemed to grow out of it a year or so ago but I knew that it might be an issue for the twins.  Last Summer I had planned to trade the car in for something a little lower to the ground and a little more passenger friendly but didn't do it - I didn't want to "jinx" the already delayed adoption.  

Today, finally, I was on the phone most of the day finding the car and setting up the purchase.   Unfortunately I was a day too late.    The girls' doctor appointment was an hour drive - Courtney had her first bout of carsickness on the way down the hill and Camryn experienced hers on the way back.  I was looking in the rear view mirror just before Camryn got sick and was saying how sad she looked thinking it was because of the shots she had just had.  After looking away, Katy said "MOM, YOU NEED TO STOP . . . MY SISTER JUST THROWED UP!".   Luckily Anna, who never seems to mind this kind of stuff,  had volunteered to come help with the appointments (along with Angela who was all the way in the back and "couldn't get out").    Anna did most of the clean up but that didn't entirely save me from having to deal with it too.   I'll be dealing with it for at least another day as I try to get the car seats cleaned and put back together - very messy and unpleasant to say the least.  But, it was actually pretty comical that while I'm negotiating the purchase of the new car this happened - a lucky break for the salesman because it just made me seal the deal a little quicker.

The check-ups went well.  All the lab work had come back in on the twins and everything is fine.  We got all the information on the vaccines that they have had (I didn't get this info from the orphanage like I did with Katy) and I learned that their lead poisoning level is very low at 1.5.  Weight and height did not change with the exception of Courtney gaining 1/2 a pound which was a little surprising but nothing to worry about right now.   We left a few more samples (stool) to make sure all the little parasites are gone - Katy, who didn't have them but is being tested just to make sure, told everyone that she was going to the doctor to see if she had "bugs in her tummy"!   Both girls needed a couple of shots and Katy, at long last, is being tested to see if she was ever exposed to TB now that we can get around the "false" positive readings due to the vaccines.  The twins had their second flu (nose) spray and Katy had one today too.  So much nicer then the flu shot and, no preservatives (mercury) to boot.  

Other notables for the day.  Camryn says "thank you" almost every time I give her something in such a cute little voice.  I thought I recognized it the other day but today it became much more noticeable.  I think she's actually been saying it for quite a while.   And, while waiting for the doctor, Angela was playing with Courtney's "piggy toes" (went to market . . . ) and, when done, Courtney said "do it again".  I think the girls are really saying a lot of words, and sentences, and little by little they are becoming more recognizable.  Lots of fun!   Language is going to be a very welcome and great addition to our little family!  

All in all, a very good day with 3 very healthy girls.  

Growing Girls and Growing Attachments

Everyday the visible difference between the twins and any other 2 1/2 year old in our neighborhood is less noticeable.  They're obviously behind in speech but they're both trying new words daily and, I think, they're actually speaking a lot more than any of us realize.  They were actually 25 and 35 percentile in their height but they don't look small in comparison to other 2 year olds.  Still a little on the thin side for sure (they were 6 and 8 percentile) but not pale and pasty like they were.  The main difference between them and others their age is their lack of speech and, of course, Courtney's hair!  Everyone thinks she is a boy and, at those times, I'm glad that she's not the one I gave the name Camryn to since everywhere we go there seems to be a boy named Cameron!    They've got their follow up appointments this Friday so we'll see how much their weight and height has changed.  

I've been taking the twins to Katy's pre-school on Wednesdays so I can spend the day with Katy and the girls have been doing very well interacting with the other kids (as expected) and also with following directions and participating in activities.  When I drop them off we exchange hugs and kisses and they head straight to the table to begin their activities always seeming to be very excited to get started.  When I pick them up, they're usually out playing with the other kids and I stand there until they notice me which is usually only a few seconds.  I'm very happy to say that once they do notice me they come running and squealing and jump into my arms and give me big squeezes.  Camryn has always been much more demonstrative then Courtney and usually sees me first but once Courtney sees me she comes running too and jumps into my arms.  She is such a copy cat that I'm not sure if she would come running on her own if she were to spot me first but I really think she would.    Things at school are going so well and they're gaining so much from their time there that I'm going to start taking them on Mondays too for a few hours.    

Both girls are very affectionate - they love to be held and will lay down on me for long periods of time.  Camryn can lay there for a long time while Courtney gets a little fidgety after a while but still likes it.   Courtney's a little monkey and likes to climb up on me and wrap her legs very tightly around me.  She's so light that it's no effort on my part to hold her!  This is a kid who didn't know what to do with her legs or arms while being held just a couple of months ago.  They both just mold into me now when they lay down and they're always considerate of each other and make room.  They don't make room for Katy however and, in fact, if Katy is laying with me then Camryn gets a little jealous and tries to squeeze in between.   They both like kisses - they like getting them, they like giving them, they like blowing them and they like mimic-ing them.  Courtney is so cute and puckers up her little lips while Camryn doesn't bother with the puckering a lot and often just gives teeth kisses!  They're both so sweet and loving that it's a boggling to me how they managed to survive the institutional environment without losing that desire.  

I think things are going well as far as our attachment and bonding is going and with the "catch up" in their development.  I was concerned about the amount of time they were forced to spend in the orphanage and the difficulties in adopting "older" children.  I, by no means, feel that we're totally "out of the woods" but I do not think that attachment difficulties are going to be a big issue for us with the exception of allowing it to grow normally.  Both girls are open and willing to participate in a loving relationship which is a great relief to me.  

Other notable improvements:  

Both girls had a wandering eye although Courtney's was much more noticeable then Camryn's.   Camryn's has pretty much been gone since getting home except for when she's tired.  Courtney's was still pretty noticeable up until last week when after doing prescribed exercises for a couple of weeks it seems to have pretty much disappeared.  She looks straight at you now and both eyes seem equally strong.  I thought we might have to put a patch on her but she actually has very good vision and the eye doctor doesn't see any problems there.  

Courtney is not exhibiting much of the autistic behavior that she was earlier.  The only real hand flapping that I see now is in my rear view mirror when the music is on.  She's conducting back there and when I start snapping my fingers I can see her doing it too!  She loves music and her favorites right now are "itsy-bitsy spider" and "twinkle twinkle little star".  She pretty much is singing during all of her down time.  

Both girls have very good appetites and seem to have adapted quickly to the eating habits around here.   Courtney seems to be a bigger eater than Camryn although they both vary day to day which is just as they should be doing.  I don't worry anymore if one doesn't eat much of a meal as I know now that they're not starving or malnourished any longer.  

I feel all is going well here for now and everybody has settled in.  Everyday I think things get a little better and, at times, a little easier.  Things aren't so new anymore and we're all in enough of a routine that life is seeming to be a lot more calm and relaxed.  No more stress and unexpected surprises - the twins know what to expect now as do Katy and I which makes a big difference in the ease and enjoyment of our days.   

Katy is doing great as well and loves having sisters.  She's really mellowed out a lot with them and has learned how to temper her advances - she's not such a "bull" around them now (usually) and is actually very sweet with them at times.   She misses them on our days without them but I know she actually likes our special days as well.   She loves being the "big" sister  (she's actually quite small!) and tells me daily of some of the benefits of being the big sister.  She also has really gotten into helping me with dinner, helping get her sisters dressed in the morning, etc. which has changed her a lot.  

So, I'm pretty happy with the way things are going and, now that I'm feeling better (had a bad head cold that sapped every ounce of energy I had, or so it seemed), I feel very optimistic and excited about our days ahead.  It's such a joy to watch all 3 girls grow and learn while our relationships get stronger every day.   Can't really think of anything that beats it!  

Dinnertime entertainment!

 

(turn your sound on - the twins carry this little toy piano around and love to play with it)

 Is this cute or what!?  This is the show I got while cooking dinner last night!   Yes, Camryn did follow and go down too but she outlasted my battery!  I'm getting 3 lessons for the price of 1 by just sending big sister to ballet!  

Gotcha Day!

Today is Katy's three year "Gotcha Day" anniversary (successful day in court)!  We don't celebrate that day here as we have too many other special days to celebrate but it is still a very important date for us!!

Trying clothes on Katy for the big day!  

Katy's database picture.  I was never given a picture of her but months after our return home I asked for this one out of her file and was lucky enough to get it!  

Who is Who ???

Can you guess?

The twins database picture.  My guess is Camryn on the left and Courtney on the right but, who really knows???

I was not given a referral picture but a friend in Russia did a search of the database for twin girls in Ekaterinburg after I received the referral and found this.  I then saw the same photo in their file at the Department of Ministry!

Again, I think, Camryn on the left and Courtney on the right but ????

This is their two year birthday picture.  The only picture I received between trips with the exception of pictures taken by another adoptive parent in July when she was picking her son up.  

One Year Ago . . .

It is 9:45 AM November 20th right now in Ekaterinburg - one year ago right now I was at the Department of Ministry receiving my referral for my beautiful twin girls.  As soon as we received the referral we headed off for the first of many long drives to go visit the girls.  They were 19 months old and were not walking yet.  Camryn (Polina) thought she could walk and kept getting up like she was going to go somewhere but before her second step she'd be back down.  They weren't speaking at all but were very friendly after the initial shyness.

Upon meeting my children (Katy first, then Camryn & Courtney) it was like the moment of "birth" to me.   Both referrals were blind referrals where I was given no pictures and little information.  With Katy all I knew was that I was going to meet a girl under 3 and with Camryn & Courtney I knew I was going to meet twin girls.  I was not given any pictures or videos by the agency although, with Camryn & Courtney, a friend in Russia found a picture of the only twin girls on the database in Ekaterinburg that were then available for adoption.  I had that picture but was not sure if it was them until I arrived and received my referral.  I saw the same photo in the file.  

When I say that meeting my girls was like the "moment of birth" what I mean is I never considered not accepting a referral because I felt that these were the children I was meant to have and whatever the issues might be is what I would deal with.  I know people who have had to decline referrals due to health reasons or various other reasons and I feel very lucky that my two referrals were for healthy children so I was not forced to make that terrible, difficult decision.  But, for me, it was not love at first sight with any of the girls  - it was very much a formality that I had to go through in order to get my children home so I could then let my maternal love grow for them.   I feel a little guilty admitting that but I knew that once I got the girls home I would fall in love with them more and more everyday and hoped that it would be the same for them.  I think everybody reacts and feels differently but I felt my reaction was very honest and realistic.    I was more worried about them growing to love me then I was about my love growing for them. 

I actually thought Katy was extremely funny looking when I first saw her and had scared myself so much by all the reading I had done about institutionalized children that I was imagining that I was seeing all sorts of  issues with her.   In addition to all of the fear I had, I was also accompanied by 4 or 5 orphanage and agency people watching and waiting for the love to gush out of me over this naked baby they had laid on the floor in front of me.   The reality of the moment (the entire first two visits) was that I was watching this 11 month old baby and looking for all of the "institutionalized" issues to see what was going to be permanent and what was correctable.   

They, the orphanage caregivers, were displaying this baby for me as if I was having to make the decision whether I was going to bring her home or not.  They had stripped her down before I could say anything and laid her out on a blanket so I could see all of her.  They started making all sorts of noises behind her head so that I could see that she could hear (I'm guessing that's what they were doing) and they were clapping and doing all sorts of other things to show me that she was responsive.  The entire experience was very unpleasant for me and, I felt, degrading for her - how could they expect love to be present there?  There were many feelings along with the stress - feelings of empathy for this little baby, feelings of wanting to remove her from there and to protect her but maternal love?  Just like that?  Didn't work that way for me!  All I wanted to do was get me and my baby out of there so we could be together, get to know each other and let our love for each other grow as I knew that it would regardless of what issues this child might have.  In my mind it was very unrealistic for them to expect me to feel the deep love of a mother's love for a baby I had only just met, especially considering the stress of the entire surreal, unpleasant, completely foreign,  and unnatural situation!  I know myself though and I knew that my loving this child would not be a problem but that it would take time without all of the stress and people watching me.

It turned out that Katy had rickets which is not uncommon for children in Siberia whether they've been in orphanages or not.  I didn't know very much about rickets but I learned that one of the signs is a bulging forehead which is what Katy had.   The rickets went away probably within the first month as did the bulging forehead but my fears didn't.  I was still searching physically and developmentally for "post-institutionalized" problems.   She really didn't have any other then having to learn to sleep (she was drugged so she'd sleep at her orphanage) and, of course, learning to rely on me and others.  It took a good year for our relationship to feel what I consider to be "normal" for a mother and child and before I didn't think of her as my "adopted" child and, instead,  just as "my child".  

I learned so much from that first experience that I thought I was prepared for the second and, in many ways I was.   There are many differences with the circumstances of the second adoption including the fact that there are two, the older age and the longer wait between meeting and bringing them home.  The initial visits, one year ago right now(!), were the same experience as Katy's.  They brought the two girls in and I automatically begin searching for the signs of problems that we would need to work on when we got home.   They offered to strip the girls down so I could examine them but I said no thank you.  It didn't matter what I would see, these were to be my girls and I didn't want them displayed the way that Katy was.  I understand the need for the exams but it just didn't matter to me at the time (they're fine by the way - no surprises!). 

Once again, as expected, it was not "love at first sight" for me and it was very much a formality.  This orphanage was much more relaxed about their rules and they actually left me alone with the twins for around 3 or 4 hours!  Never would have happened at Katy's orphanage.  Well, there's one of me and two of them and that's a really long time.  It was pretty much torture for me and I'm sure for them too.  I brought a few toys but nothing to entertain them for that long - I had no snacks for them (or for me) and they had no contained place for me to play with them.  It was an extremely long afternoon and, like the first experience with Katy, I went back to my hotel and scanned through the pictures I had looking for the signs of trouble.  The next day, the same experience.  They had two little plastic cars there for me to entertain the girls with but they couldn't push it themselves so for another 3 hours I held one and pushed the other and would then trade off.  It was November so you think it would have been cold but they had the heat on and I was so hot I thought I was going to pass out.  It was miserable and all I wanted to do was get home so I could quickly do the paperwork and get my girls home so we could begin the process of getting to know each other and letting our love grow.  I knew it was just not going to happen at the orphanage no matter how long I walked around with them in the little plastic car.   And, I was missing Katy terribly and feeling a little sad and guilty about changing her life so drastically.

Returning home I thought I was going to get my paperwork done so fast and well that the judge would be impressed and quickly issue a court date to get those twins out of there.  I did do my paperwork fast - most requests were turned in within a week when my agency said a month was more typical.  It's all I could think about and if a request came through forget anything else I had to do (work, etc), I was begging, pleading and bargaining with people to get me the paperwork quickly.  But, it still took 10 months of waiting and of torture and the judge treated me no better or worse then anyone else that is fortunate enough to make it to her courtroom.  

And now, here we are one year later.  We've been home for just over a month and all my fears are gone.  I don't look at any of my children and look for damage caused by their time in the "institutions" and, even better, I don't look at them now and think of the adoptions.    I have challenges with all 3 children but I have not heard of a child that did not at one time present a challenge to their parents.  Mine happen to need some special treatment/methods right now because of their start in life but, I think the raising of any child has to be personalized to that one child's needs and requirements and, it's never easy or simple.  Watching my brothers and sisters with their biological children it is obvious that born into a family or adopted into a family doesn't change the fact that every individual child is different and requires different handling and care.  This has become especially apparent to me since becoming the parent to twins.  They are so different and although their basic needs are the same, I need to adjust what I do for each one of them. 

Katy is four and is very strong willed but she is very loving and very charismatic.   She is friendly and happy and fun and extremely entertaining and cute as can be.  She is so beautiful and here I thought she was so funny looking at first (in looking back at pictures now she was actually quite adorable then too even with the rickets).  Camryn is happy, happy, happy.   She is smart and she is athletic and she is friendly and she is extremely loving and sweet.  She laughs so easily and it is sometimes such a genuine laugh that it becomes silent and her body is shaking.  She knows that I am her mom and she lights up when I walk in the room.  She wants to be held and she has the cutest laugh which is easily brought out.   If she's doing something and she looks up and sees me she reaches her hand out to me to touch and then smiles the sweetest smile.  Sometimes she goes back to what she was doing but usually she gets up and comes over for a quick snuggle and then goes back.  They don't come any sweeter than Camryn.  Courtney on the other hand is very sensitive and very much my little "underdog" which makes me feel especially tender toward her.  Where Camryn and Katy play together (and bother each other) Courtney is usually doing something on her own.  If she hurts herself she comes right over to show me where she got the "bor-bor" and then tells me the story (in animated jibberish) of how she got it while pointing to where it happened.  She then wants a little hug and goes back.  She is the most quiet of the 3 normally but she is secretly studying everything and I think she's picking things up even more quickly then Camryn.   She has the same laugh as Camryn but doesn't give it so easily, although it is easy to draw it out of her. When she laughs like that she squints her eyes and they have a twinkle in them that is uniquely her - I haven't seen Camryn give the twinkley eyes.  Courtney surprises me with singing the songs - she knows the words (and spider movements) already and she loves to sing them.    She is very sweet too and very sensitive which may be why she has a few behaviors remaining from her early neglect.  But they are virtually disappearing before our eyes.  She also gets excited when I enter the room and comes right to me.  She is a little snuggler too and also a little copy cat (as is Camryn at times) which I hope to see change one day.   She's gone from eating nothing in Moscow to eating fairly large, healthy meals now.   I have many times when all 3 girls are laying on a part of me (all at that same time) and I am lucky enough to have the time right now that I get to also enjoy special one on one snuggle time too which I really enjoy.  

So, one year later, I don't think I could love my girls any more then I do right now.  I was never worried that it would be here but it is so wonderful when it is not about the adoption any longer and it is just me and my daughters whom I, truly, deeply love.  I wonder if the orphanage staff, the agency staff (in country), the social workers, the judges and all the people who testified in court on my behalf about the loving relationships they witnessed during my visits really believed that it was there instantly upon meeting my children as they all wanted to hear me say (and did hear me say).   I don't know if my experience is very different then most and if it is normally "love at first sight" or, if it is typical to need time together without all the hoopla of the adoption looming around us.  But, I know that now my experience (and love) raising my daughters is no different then if I had given birth to them myself.

The entire adoption process is one formality after another and I just followed the steps doing what I was told to do and saying what I was advised to say knowing that I would end up with a child but not realizing the reality of that.  It got me to the two most important, life changing days of my life, December 8, 2005 and October 8, 2008 when I walked out of the orphanages and began the real journey of loving and raising my 3 beautiful daughters.  All the "adoption" nightmare and turmoil is totally gone for me and for my family and I couldn't be happier about it or with my 3 girls.  I still wonder how I have been the one chosen to raise, care for and love these 3 amazing little girls.  

Timing is everything

The twins are sleeping and Katy is happily at school so all is very quiet and good right now.  Yesterday I was very tired and the twins just didn't want to go to sleep.  There was no apparent reason for it as Katy was at school and we had had a very quiet morning but it just wasn't to be.  I was worried because we had plans last night but they did fine and were home in bed by 7:30 - to sleep by 8:30.  They had no crankiness or trauma from missing the nap - but, I did!  

The twins have added "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" to their repertoire and it is very cute.  They, especially Courtney, really love singing which is lots of fun for me.   I can actually understand some of the words when they're singing which is very exciting.

Just when I began struggling with the need for discipline (okay, maybe not "just")  and how exactly to do it, along came a very good book and method recommended by Katy's Montessori school.  I've started reading it and am very excited about their methods and direction - in comparison to how I've felt about many others  I've "scanned" through that seem to have lots of principles but no real practical life advise.  This book actually  gives some pretty realistic examples and, follows through to what to do if . . . enough information to really learn how to apply it in my everyday situations here.  Just what I needed right now as it addresses how to be kind and firm at the same time (always difficult for me) and how to use "Positive Discipline" which is what the book is called.  The book is written by Jane Nelsen, Ed.D and, so far, things I like are the 4 R's of punishment - Resentment, Revenge, Rebellion and Retreat which is what I get from Katy when I "punish" her (punishment has a short term affect but a damaging long term affect) and the idea that I can, through these methods, discipline in a way that builds the children up without knocking them down (my words, not hers).  The methods in this book might be a practical and effective approach that may work for us - here's to hoping anyway!   It would be nice to know that what I am doing (with discipline) will have a long term positive affect on them as opposed to just getting them to behave at that moment.   

Off to read some more!  

Smoothing things out

Right now I have Charlotte ('s Web) entertaining Katy in the other room and the twins are fast asleep for their afternoon nap and it's only 11:15 AM!  Now, that's progress and, although it may seem like a small feat to some reading this, for me, these days, it's is monumental and gives me hope.  To have Katy happily occupied and independent and to have the twins sleeping easily while Katy is here is something I have been struggling with.   

Katy is only in pre-school 3 days a week now for 7 hours a day.  Wednesdays she has dance & tumbling and Friday's all 3 have swim lessons.  It is always more difficult when Katy is here as she tries to control the twins and it gets a little crazy around here.  I've been struggling with discipline - not so much with Katy because I'm not too worried about being too tough on her but, with the twins.  They are not your typical 2 1/2 year olds that know and understand the basic rules - they don't understand any rules - or at least, they didn't.  They actually carried the game playing from the orphanage over to here so that when I ask them to come back they thought it was a fun game and would laugh and take off running.  We've been working on that but I have to make it not fun for them - which is not fun for me!  I don't want to be too hard on them when I'm trying to build a loving relationship but, I do want them to understand that they need to listen and follow directions.  I get tired, especially after several days in a row. and I have to admit to quite a bit of crankiness on my part - especially when all 3 are going at it which was yesterday.  Today has been totally different so far.    

With all that said, I'm now becoming a much more stern and strict parent than I was before and am seeing results already.  It's necessary with 3 and I think it will help them in many ways by being in a calm environment.   And, I'm hoping to get the rules, etc., understood early on so that we can move on to the fun things outside of the house.   It's not really possible to take them many places when they have no understanding of danger around them although they are very good when I do take them places.    

So - here's to hoping that I can walk the thin line between constructive discipline and misery and actually get these 3 girls of mine to respect the rules (and me)  but still enjoy themselves and me!   Running around after the 3 girls and basically waiting on them leaves little time for taking care of myself and I've noticed that as my eating habits have been declining (quick snacks here and there instead of good meals), my crankiness has been increasing so today I have resolved to take care of that problem too.   So after a not so pleasant day yesterday, today I'm feeling optimistic and with a little stern parenting and high expectations of the girls, life will be good and flowing smoothly again very soon for all of us.  

On that note, I'm off to spend some quality time with K before the twins wake up - she's out there being very patient which is a result of my crankiness yesterday but, hopefully, some of my communicated expectations of her too.

More later . . . 

New Photo Link

I created a new family photo album as I can download the photos much quicker there.  For those who would like to see the most recent photos, click on the link and it will take you there.  You can view them individually or by slideshow (which takes a few seconds to download).  I hope you enjoy them!

What a difference a month makes

It was one month ago today that we left Moscow and landed in LA.  At times, being a mom of 3 still feels new to me but there are also those times that I feel like I've been doing this (work) forever!   As every busy mom before me knows, my days are filled with trying to keep things under control and trying to keep children dry, clean, fed & happy.  I'm finding that this is no easy task but, at the end of the day when they're all asleep and I look back at the comical pictures of the day I can usually re-balance myself for the next day.

Stories of the past week:

Nighttime drama.  I've been trying to find the best method of getting the twins to go to sleep.  I'll read a few books sometimes while they're in their beds or sitting on mine trying to include Katy.  The books are a little juvenile for Katy so this is a little trying.  I then tuck the girls in bed and kiss them each goodnight.  It's not long before I hear the giggling and the bumps in the rooms.  I've removed all toys and really anything within reach for them in hopes that out of shear boredom they'd fall asleep.  I've tried sitting with them until they fall asleep but I am something for them to focus on which becomes a problem.  I've tried ignoring the chattering and giggling and let them fall where they may but that only worked for so long.  Poor Katy took the brunt of the error in that method when she stepped on a very poopy diaper that Camryn had removed and threw into the hallway.  What a surprise that was for all of us and it was the end of the ignoring them.  Another night I thought they were both asleep and I hear Camryn calling "mammmmaaa" in her special way and I go into check on them.  I walked in and she opened her mouth wide and said her "haaaaaaa" which only she can do and pointed at her sister who was in the process of removing her pj's.  I was very surprised that she "told on her sister" but I was pretty pleased that she got the message from the previous night that removing the pj's is a "no-no"!  So, every night we try something different including earlier naps during the day.  It's tough because the house doesn't shut down when it's time for them to shut down.  Katy tries to be quiet but it's very difficult as every little foot step tends to catch their attention.

Katy's melodrama:  Aunt Lynnie and Kellie were visiting one day and Katy got in a little bit of trouble with them.  She then stormed into her room and when Kellie went in to check on her, my just turned 4 year old told her that she was packing her bag and leaving!  Kellie came and reported this to me and I went and found Katy putting her Dora back pack on getting ready to depart.  I asked her where she was going to go and told her I was very sad that she was leaving and all she kept saying was she was LEAVING.  She walked into her sister's room and sat down between their beds and announced that that is where she was going.  I was pretty relieved but we felt that possibly she may be in need of a break from her mom and sisters so we sent her to Aunt Lynnies for a few hours where she had a wonderful time.  

Mealtime Drama:  The twins are typical 2 year olds with their eating habits although I think that they did not have much variety at the orphanage and what they did have was probably very bland.  Courtney eats a lot more then Camryn these days but even so, they basically just want bananas.  The girls are not adventurous in their eating so I've taken to taking advantage of their good natures and sticking new foods in their mouths - they're not always too pleased with this but I've found that if I can just get them (force them) to try one bite then often they like it and we'll find a new food to add to their list.  The forced tomato didn't go over too well (one of Katy's favorites) but they loved the brussel sprouts, mashed potatoes, meat sauce pasta and the creamed rice.  They loved the creamed rice so much that I gave them each a second bowl which was somewhat of a mistake with Courtney as she obviously wasn't hungry any longer.  She took that opportunity to play with the food and rub in all over her face and hair.  It was everywhere and since they didn't get the first birthday messy cake experience I let this one go and got the pictures.  But, I'm doing my best to prevent meals like this in the future as I feel my days really are spent picking up and cleaning up after the three girls.

Sisters bonding:  The twins seem to be okay as far as attachment issues go.  They're definitely attached to each other and seem appropriately attached to me considering the amount of time we've been together.  They have had a little trouble attaching with Katy however.  I think it's probably because they had to defend their space from the bigger kids in the orphanage and, Katy is not the most gentle little girl.  This week I've seen lots of progress with that.  Katy is trying to do things a little more softly and the girls are responding to that.  They watch katy and mimic what she does which pleases Katy to no end.  They've been playing well together and have spent hours playing outside, playing dress-up, dancing and playing in the playroom together.  I think those are my happiest moments - seeing all 3 girls happy together makes any work or fatigue worthwhile.  

I'll have to post pictures later as Camryn is waking up from her nap.   I have some very cute pictures of this past week including of the twins crawling into their playpens this afternoon when I told them it was nap time.  It was so nice for me as they both walked in and got in their own playpens and laid down!  I wish night time was so easy (Katy is at school during nap time which helps a lot!).   Much more to come!

25 days later . . . .

The best sleeping arrangements . . . 

My bumble bee, good witch and good doctor (missing a few pieces of her costume) . . . 

It's been 25 days since leaving the orphanage with two wondering but brave little girls.  They have done remarkably well with all of the changes in their lives.  It feels like the girls have been with us for so much longer than 25 days - I have to keep reminding myself that they've only been out of the orphanage for that long.  

Both girls seem to really enjoy all of the love and affection that they are getting.  Camryn follows me around the house most of the time and, if she's off playing with her sisters, she comes in and checks with me very often.  Courtney is a little more independent but she also really likes to cuddle and have her head rubbed.  They both are so sweet and are such little cuddlelers.  It's lucky that all 3 girls wake up at different times because they each like to lay with me for a few minutes.  Usually, it's Katy, then Camryn, then Courtney.  I think Camryn would lay there all day if she could - she's my very very sweet one.  Courtney will lay there for a few minutes and then something else will catch her attention and she's off and running again.  She has a lot of "catching up" to do for lost time and she's trying to get it all done quickly!

Both girls have great eye contact and will stare into my eyes with such loving looks.  Their eyes are very different then each others although both have very large brown eyes that have always just pulled me right in.  Camryn normally looks into my eyes with soft, sweet eyes while Courtney looks with glee in her eyes.  She is so happy and so playful it shows in her eyes most of the time.

When the girls first arrived home, Courtney was walking around saying "bor-bor" about every 5 minutes which means something like "I'm feeling pain" according to Olga.  Courtney said it a couple of times even in the car leaving the orphanage.  If she hit her hand on anything it would be "bor-bor" so it wasn't just random but it was ultra-sensitive.  She still does it occasionally, but now it seems that she really only says it when she's actually hurt.  So, I think that's great progress.  She seems to be losing her sensitivity although she still is a little more sensitive then Camryn is.  Courtney now has the same cream & rosy complexion that Camryn has had (after the scabies treatments) and she's filled out quite a bit too.    Courtney also sings all the time now which is very cute.  For some reason she really hooked on to "Ring around the Rosies" from when Katy played it with her in the orphanage.  It is such an awful song but she goes around singing "ashes ashes we all fall down".  It's cute but yuck!  What a strange song that is.

The girls went in for their first big blood draw last week and the results so far have been good.  Courtney screamed through the blood draw but Camryn didn't make a peep!   Camryn was more of the constant big eater originally but now Courtney is overtaking her and is much more adventurous in the things that she'll try.   We'll have more tests down the road but for now things look good with just a few things to take care of  - I'm very focused on getting the physical issues taken care of as I think the developmental issues will catch up quickly when they're completely healthy.  And, with that, the developmental issues seem to be disappearing on their own but I will still get some extra help where it seems necessary.  I'll probably begin that process this coming week.  

Friday was a big day for the girls as they had their first swim lesson and their first Halloween.  The swim lesson went very well and both girls absolutely love the water just like their big sister.  They had no fear and I had to hold one back while the other was getting her time with the instructor.  I was soaking wet as a result.  It was difficult as all 3 girls were getting lessons at the same time (what was I thinking?).  Luckily a friend came by and was very helpful with getting the girls out of the water and ready to go.  Next Friday I'm hoping to be a little better at juggling the 3.  

Halloween was a big hit.  Normally we go into town and do a little trick or treating at the shops but Teddy died in the afternoon so that sort of put a damper on the festivities.  He wasn't with us but was out at the Old Julian property and the people who were going with us needed to take care of Teddy.  Later on we went to one of my sister's neighborhood that is so perfect for kids.  They had haunted backyards and people sitting out on their driveways waiting to greet the kids.  We were going to take it easy but all 3 girls were really enjoying it so we visited about 10 houses and then they greeted the trick or treaters at my sisters house.  It was a lot of fun for all.  

Saturday I ventured out to the grocery store with all 3 girls - but not alone.  I'm changing grocery stores because mine doesn't have the big double carts and that's what I need.  I tried it on Saturday with my sister and niece with me for emergency back up which was needed after about 20 minutes.  If I can get in and out in about that time I think I'll be okay.  The trick will be trying to find one of the carts to put the girls in after parking.  While there, I ran into a friend who took the picture of us.  The whole trip took up most of our pre-nap time but was very good and necessary to get done.

Right now the girls are going down for nap but are not doing it quite as easily as they used to.  I try the soothing music and darkened room but it still takes them a while.  I've got them back in the same room for napping as I really need to sit with them in order to make sure they don't get up and run around.  But, everything is getting a little easier and a little more familiar for me and for them every day.

On another note, Melissa who is in between trips for Colby's adoption, received a call regarding new delays in the region.  I was hoping that things were going to speed up as I had heard the judge was being investigated for dragging things out for so long.  Melissa is now being told 9 to 12 months between trips.  My heart goes out to her and her husband.  It is such a difficult wait and knowing exactly what she is going through makes my happiness with the girls a little bittersweet because there are so many others waiting.  Children, just like mine, waiting and hoping to join families and to start enjoying a life filled with love instead of the grey lonely life in the orphanage.  Parents waiting for children to share their love and joy with and here I am with 3 beautiful little girls.  We are so lucky and, although I know Melissa will be as lucky soon, I know how sad it is for her now and I share that with her.  There's nothing any of us can do to change the process but, as torturous as it is, there is an end to the dark tunnel and the light is brighter than ever at the other end. 

 

A very sad farewell to our much loved Teddy Bear

Teddy Bear, our Akita Shepherd lost his year long battle with cancer on Friday.  He was so loved by his family and friends and I will always be grateful to him for how wonderful he was with all of the children in his life.  I have so many hilarious (and expensive) Teddy stories like the day he chased my horses with a turkey vulture in his mouth and I had to take the turkey vulture to the rescue center.  And, there was the time that he ate the front end of my car while trying to get the bunny out - as my brother had taught him to do (get the critter away from the car).  And, the time he chased the squirrel into the drain pipe on my barn and greeted me when I got home with a 8 or 10' section of pipe with a bulge in the middle with teeth marks in it.  The bulge, of course, was  the squirrel.  I could go on and on about Teddy but he was the sweetest, most lovable dog I've ever known and I will really miss him as I know Bushia and all the Old Julian crew will too.    

Katy had just watched "All Dogs Go to Heaven" and when I told her that Teddy died she said she was going to sneak into my car at night (SCARY - she's only 4) and drive to Heaven and tell Teddy that all dogs are not suppose to go to Heaven and she was going to bring him back.   I wish she could bring him back happy and healthy as he will be remembered.

Happy Birthday Weekend Katy